Category Archives: Self Control

Stop Gossipping!

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Let’s be real: you’ve gossipped before right? You won’t readily admit it, but it’s probably true.

In fact, I’ve gossipped before – and I’m not proud of it. Quite frankly, it’s a shame. It’s nasty. It’s hurtful.

It may not be murder or robbery, but it’s still sin. It’s wrong. The reality is we can “murder” or “kill” someone’s reputation with gossip. We can “rob” someone of their peace when we disturb their spirit because of what is being said. Proverbs 26 verse 20 says, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.” Whether the information is true or false, why be the wood that enables the fire? If the person were present, would you still share that information?

Look, you have probably heard what someone has said about you right? Didn’t it hurt or disappoint you? Have you not done the same at some point over WhatsApp or while meeting up with your friend at Starbucks or on the phone? Even Christians sometimes get caught up in gossip while sharing and asking another Christian to pray about a matter. Beware believers!

We preface the gossip with:

“I understand that…”
“I heard that…”
“My friend (name), is going through the same thing. The only difference with her is…”

If someone has shared something personal with us or we are aware of a matter – whether a married man has children with other women, a woman wears the pants in the relationship, a couple has been trying for years to conceive, your colleague’s nephew died of AIDS or the next door neighbour’s godson got caught stealing from his workplace – is that our business? Does it concern you? How is the information being shared helping the situation?

Think: Is what you’re saying edifying or fueling the rumour mill? What if it were you or your family member being discussed? How would you feel? Proverbs 25 verse 9 encourages us to, “…discover not a secret to another.” And remember, he who gossips with you, will gossip about you! Why not choose to uninstall your internal gossip app?!

Here are FOUR practical tips to stop gossip in its track:

1) Switch on the gossiper and find something positive about the person or situation to say. Turn the tables.

2) Be bold and say, “Honestly, that’s her/his business. Let’s leave it alone.”

3) If you are in a group and gossipping is occurring, literally remove yourself with an “Excuse me. I have to leave.” And if for some reason, it’s impractical, simply do not join in the conversation. If someone pushes you by asking a question, simply say, “I’m staying out of it” or “It aine my business.”

4) Turn the gossip into an opportunity to pray. Encourage the person gossipping to pray about it and remind them that God is able to turn the situation around.

Today, let us pledge to do better regarding gossiping:

I pledge to mind my own business.

Simple.

Growing in Christ,

Hadassah

Should I Blame COVID19?

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I have a confession. I ate a family size box of Fruit Loops over a three-day period – by myself!

Terrible! I know!

I must say, I have not exercised self control as I sit under this curfew due to COVID19 – the pandemic which has nearly brought the world to its knees. This Fruit Loops snack attack is not good for my health (loads of sugar) nor for my waistline (I hope I can fit in my clothes when it’s time to return to work)!

I also recognize the reason I kept going back to what really amounts to empty calories, was because I wasn’t full, but also because sugar is addictive.

It made me think: What else in your life amounts to empty calories?

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At this moment, everyone simply wants the basic necessities of life, chiefly, food and water. Who cares about missing a New York & Co spring sale? Who cares about paying $80 for a makeover, when that could go towards grocery?  And is that planned trip to Disney more important than keeping a roof over your family’s head when both parents have been laid off? The $200 you might have been saving for dinner with a friend, now needs to help your grammy stock up in these uncertain times.

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The trappings of this life perhaps matter less to you by now. You may now realize that a lot of things we do are not necessary. They’re luxuries. I’m not saying don’t treat yourself. Don’t get me wrong. But in the grand scheme of things, if COVID19 hasn’t opened your eyes to the fragility of life and how it can be toppled over with little or no notice, I pray the scales be removed really soon.

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Today, I hope you are a bit more thankful for the things which matter. Interacting with the talkative old lady in the pew behind you. Sharing a meal with a colleague. That hug from your gregarious nephew. Let’s thank God for the little things – the things often taken for granted!

May this lockdown be a time of reflection. And when it is over, may we emerge as a more loving, thoughtful, compassionate people.

Growing in Christ,

Hadassah

 

How’s Your Spiritual Hygiene?

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I find it a pleasure when I read God’s Word and see how I could take what occurred millennia ago and apply it to my life. One example of this came about as I read in Daniel 1 last night. Verse eight stood out to me: “But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.”

Daniel spoke about not defiling himself with the king’s meat, but as Christians, there might be ways we are defiling ourselves too. And when we are spiritually defiled, the scent is not pleasure. Jesus, the Son of the Almighty God above, said himself in Matthew 15 v 17-20:

17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?

18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:

20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

Now this is in no way to say that we must not wash our hands before we eat; it simply means that it has nothing to do with our spirits being defiled. Now for the Christian, there are some things that we would partake in, but without speaking, you can hate someone; you may want that Marc Jacobs bag your colleague has, simply because you want to keep up with the style of other ladies in the office; without speaking, you can covet someone’s house or position; without going through with it, you can actually desire to be with someone else’s husband or wife or you might be married and fantasizing about the neighbour, a colleague, a deacon. Interestingly, Jesus said in Matthew 5 v. 28, “That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” This, itself, is proof that we become defiled from within our spirits.

Have you entertained gossip lately? Have you been judgmental – not knowing all the facts? Perhaps in your heart you know you are upset with someone and are finding ways to avoid the person as opposed to addressing the matter (I’ve been there, but had to repent to God and eventually say to the person how I felt). Maybe it’s those worldly movies you are watching, which are not spiritually enlightening.

These things and others shackle us spiritually. They tear at us and we become spiritually weak. This is just what the enemy wants.

I implore you not to eat the enemy’s dainties. Do not entertain him. Do not sit at his table. Like Daniel, we must purpose in our hearts to not defile ourselves. And we can only do that if we know what the Word says; we ought not simply be hearers of the Word, but doers.

How can you cleanse your ways from spiritual defilement? David says in Psalm 119 v 9: “…by taking heed thereto according to thy word.”

Growing in Christ,

Hadassah

Give God What’s Right – Not Left!

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I remember when I was studying online for my Master’s degree with Kent State University. It was two years of financial sacrifice, but also sacrifice of my time. I worked all day, then went home to conduct research, write papers, do homework and respond to classmates. Weekends, nights, early mornings, holidays, were not mine. So perhaps you would understand why I felt compelled to tour the campus, participate in graduation activities for international students, meet my favourite professor and walk across that stage!

But what I really wish to get across is the fact that I had to make major adjustments early into that Master’s program. I found that I would go home, eat and then head straight to a book or my computer. I then noticed I would finish LATE at night or sometimes not really be finished, but just decided because I was soooooo mentally and physically drained, I needed to shut down the computer or close the book.

I also noticed that when it was time to pray, it was quick, just to acknowledge God at the end of the day and I wasn’t spending as much time in His Word. Note, I was doing something positive – studying for a degree. This would result in advancement in life, but while studying for higher attainment of something natural, my spiritual life was being sapped.

As a Christian, you know when you’re not spending quality time with God. You feel it. Just think about how many of us can spend over an hour at dinner with a friend or loved one, chatting about the latest happenings in our lives. It’s like nothing to watch a movie that is over an hour. And we have no problem spending hours – literally hours – at theme parks. After all, we have to get our money’s worth – right?! I sure do!

But what about spending time with God?

What woke me up besides the emptiness I was feeling, was also passing a church sign that said, ‘Don’t give God what’s left. Give Him what’s right!’ That immediately resonated with me and even to this day, though I’ve previously and since passed many church signs, that is the one which stands out to me. It is the one I remember and have shared with others.

I have found that it is easy to be busy doing good! There is nothing wrong with volunteering for charity, mentoring youth, studying towards a degree etc., but that quiet, personal time in prayer, study of God’s Word and meditation – more importantly application of that Word – are extremely important for spiritual sustenance and growth.

The Word of God is bread. It is water. Just as the body needs food and water to survive, so our spiritual bodies need food and water for sustenance.

I encourage you to be intentional about your time with God. We give the world and family LOTS of our time. What about God, who gives us life, health and strength to do the things we do?

As Paul admonishes in 1 Timothy 4:13, “Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.’ The Word of God is God’s blueprint for living a godly life right here on earth.

Growing in Christ,

Hadassah